A copy of the recent collaboration I did with The Anxiety Warrior, a great mental health pioneer and blogger. To access their blog full of great information on anxiety click here or follow them on Instagram here. They gave me the task of writing 5 things I’ve learned living with depression.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorders close to six years ago, and can now happily say that I live almost symptom free, with episodes only occurring once or twice a month. Comparing that to constant anxiety with bouts of depression frequently coming and going at random times and random intensities its safe to say I am eternally grateful and proud of my progress. Through my journey from darkness back to the light I learned a great deal and I’d like to share some wisdom with you.
You need to find what works for you.
There is no instruction manual that comes with mental illness; usually medication is administered to get you to a place where you are able to face your situation. No one else has the answers that you seek. It has to come from within, and it is going to take hard work and time. It’s also not going to be easy, but it’s worth doing, and nothing worth doing is ever easy. I could tell you what worked for me but that won’t help, because no two people are the same the solution is going to vary accordingly. So my advice is to find what it is that means the most to you, and do it as much as possible. You can fail at what you don’t want to spend your time doing, so you may as well pursue what you love doing.
Thoughts are uncontrollable.
Here’s the bad news, thoughts are uncontrollable, and so when thoughts become intrusive and ‘dark’ for lack of a better word, it can be extremely unpleasant. The good news is that none of them are real unless you make them real. You can control how you react to or act upon thought. Learning to emotionally detach from your thoughts is beneficial when you’re in a negative state and can prevent a downward spiral. Take comfort in the fact that what is real is what you let be real, therefore you may not be able to control thought, but you can control what is real. A mistake I consistently made that I was unaware of at the time was I let an intrusive thought become my whole world, to the point of mental exhaustion. You let these thoughts in; you can let them go juts as easily. Remember, you are not your thoughts.
Opening up about your situation is extremely difficult, but ultimately beneficial.
I firmly believe that the longer I put off telling people I was struggling the worse I got. I felt that if I got support people would see me as weak or incapable. You are not weak; you are just tired from being strong for such a long time. Think of it this way, is it easier to pick push a boulder up a hill with one person or ten people? Let me also get some things crystal clear; people won’t understand what you’re going through, but they will want to help, and you are not burdening anyone with your problems, helping people makes the helpers feel good about themselves. Be prepared o find out who your real friends are and take this seriously, ignorant friends hurt me more than anyone else ever has even if it wasn’t intentional. Opening up gets easier with practise. The first person you tell will be the most emotional for you but the weight lifted off of your shoulders is indescribable.
You are not alone.
I thought I was alone, and no one would ever feel the way I felt and I had no one to relate to. This was true in the sense that no one will ever be able to experience my subjective reality and wholeheartedly understand me. However there are people out there who do relate strongly to the emotions, or lack of emotions that you feel, or understand when you say that you feel nothing at all. There are great Reddit threads, online forums filled with people just like you who you can relate to, or help out. One of the turning points for my situation was when I realised I could use what id been through to help others, this is the whole premise of what I do. I know depression inhibits your social life, and that you feel alone amongst friends, but you have to accept that some people do not experience these things, so that they will never understand. Change your perspective to seeing yourself as someone who is more deeply connected to reality than most, because on some levels that is what depression is. Conversations I’ve had with friends and people who have suffered similar to me are much more fulfilling and wholesome than small talk.
Life by definition is change.
Think of life as a stream of water. Is it easier to swim against the current or with the current? You cannot control the water but you can control what direction you swim. It’s the same principle for tackling changes in your life; change is inevitable and uncontrollable. However how you perceive these changes and how tightly you hold onto the past determines where you go in the future. Let go of the past, it cannot be undone, all you have and all you will ever have is right now. So start focusing on right now and dedicate your conscious attention to it and now will start to improve. I have a reminder in my study saying ‘what can you do to improve your current situation?’
I don’t expect any of this stuff to be some sort of miracle cure or treatment for your situation. However there is great power in the knowledge of what direction to go in if you feel you’re stuck at a five-way intersection. I can pave the way for you but it must be you who walks the path. Learn from my mistakes, learn from my successes.
Follow @psych_inspire for daily wisdom.
From the ashes, you will rise.
Liam