Helping Someone With Depression
Depression is experienced subjectively. It will always be different for everyone. However as I’ve stated in previous articles there are some fundamental symptoms that most people experience in one way or another. I know it can be scary helping someone in a depressed state of mind, and is often overwhelming and hard to pinpoint where to start. Here are some things I’ve learned about helping someone in a depressed state of mind.
Listen.
Listen to what they have to say. A big part of depression is the feeling like you are alone/ can’t relate to anyone/ are not being heard. Listening to what someone has to say, however unusual it sounds acts as a release valve for that person. For me, telling somebody how I felt always made me feel better, like a weight off of my shoulders. Ask questions that prompt them to question why they are feeling down, lots of answers come from within. Be a sort of mirror that someone can use to reflect on him or herself.
Remind.
People with depression usually have regular lives, have regular jobs and regular friends. Remind them of all they have to be appreciative of in life, all the people that love them, because whenever I was depressed I forgot all of that. Being reminded of these things plants that seed of positivity again and can start to grow. You can also remind them of how far they have come, if its their first depressed episode in a couple of weeks or even days, they are working hard to stay in that good frame of mind. Remind them to keep fighting it, because rolling over and letting it consume you is the alternative. In reminding people do not sound like you think that they’re complaining, be friendly.
Distract.
Often lots of depressed people benefit short term from being distracted from their state of mind. Start talking about something else, make them laugh or ask them their day was. Bringing up old happy memories works as well, anything to take their mind off of how they’re feeling. Change the location you’re in, go for a walk together. Then, when their condition improves somewhat, you can talk about what is making them feeling the way they are. Distraction is key to break or interrupt the negative thought pattern the person is in.
Support.
If you haven’t been through depression, you probably won’t understand what its like, or what the person is subjectively experiencing. You’ll just go round in circles if you keep trying to understand what’s happening, so be supportive. It’s all about acceptance. Accept that this is the frame of mind the person is in, and help move through it with them. Sometimes you may just have to be there, comforting them as they ride out an episode, and that is good enough, because then the person knows they are not alone in this.
The point is, half of it is just being there. Be there for someone who is going through this. I think I speak for a lot of people who suffer from depression when I say that we won’t reach out to friends or family for help. It feels like we are burdening other people with our problems. Be upfront with your request to help, say that you want to do it and you care for them. Remind them they are not alone in their struggle.
From the ashes, you will rise.
Liam.